just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
