I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
