WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
