well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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