just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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