Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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