then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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