K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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