I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
