My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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