i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
