I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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