I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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