I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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