It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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