i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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