put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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