He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
