I think I died a long time ago.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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