What a fucking waste of an outfit
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
