did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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