I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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