look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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