hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
