and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
