it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
