I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
