All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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