Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
