i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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