I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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