i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
