all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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