I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
