There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
