Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
