some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
