I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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