The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
