Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
