my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
