A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
