Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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