i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
