i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
