Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
