Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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