he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
