i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
