He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
