Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
