final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize