I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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