Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
