drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You smell like stripper and shame
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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