last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
