I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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