tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
