So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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