I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As shirtless as possible
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
