He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
