Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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