How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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