I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
