She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
