All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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