I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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