my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
