at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
