how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
