i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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