Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
