Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
cat food counts as protein by the way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
