currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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