I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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