Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Don't make out with my wife yet
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
