His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
