Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
